It's past midnight already and I feel like I want to write something here haha. On the last post, I wrote a wish: "I hope I’ll eventually find new goals without attachment to a particular person.". And I just want to brag that I kinda....finally did it? Can you imagine? It's not even a year.
I am writing this post in my empty office during the Eid Fitr holiday, without any external noise, only my thoughts and I. The rain has just stopped, and the moving cloud reminds me of the afternoon in Bandung. Since the crazy rain I experienced in Bandung around 2015, I’ve found myself dreading the gloomy sky—especially the kind that comes with thunder. Once the sky turns darker, the anxiety creeps in, even when I'm inside a building, not out on the street. If I happen to be outside during heavy rain, I pray as if it's the end of the world. I don’t even react this way during terrible turbulence on a flight. I’ve never been a fan of rain or storms. I grew up needing my parents to hold my hand just to fall asleep during thunderstorms. Even now, when there’s thunder at night, I hold my doll’s hand to ease the anxiety. For the past decade, that has been the saga between rain and me. As much as I understand how much farmers need the rain to water their crops, I always pray it doesn’t come when I’m outside my room.
I want to come clean on this post, the real reason why I abandoned this blog for years is because it started to feel embarrassing to write my thoughts and true feeling here. There were hundreds of moments when I moved my fingers to type something here but stopped after the second paragraph and just let it sat as a draft. Today is different because I have one hour free time in the airport before my flight back to Jakarta and I want to store one of the best concert experience I've ever had, Coldplay: Music Of The Spheres World Tour in Jakarta. This concert deserves a long post throwing out my thoughts and feeling inside.
